The Negative

I always fall to the negative.

Last night, for instance, I went to the book store.  There were so many books I was interested in and I wrote them all down on a piece of scrap paper to remember later.  Then I started to fall.  As someone who wants to write books, it became overwhelming...again.  "What could I possibly write that hasn't already been written?  What do I have to add?  There's just no room on the shelf for anything I'd have to offer.  Why even bother?"  And 9 times out of 10, when I read published poetry, the writer is a professor of some sort.  I'm not a professor.  Pathetic, I know, but that's where I go.

The question is, why don't I fall to the positive?  Why don't I think, "Wow, all these chumps got books published?!  I can do that!  I'm so glad there's room for everybody!"  I know, I know...they're not chumps.

This tendency finds it's way into my Bible study, too.  Yesterday I read Ephesians 2:10, which says, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  What was my first response?  "Great.  Now not only do I not have time to do the things I want to do, but GOD has already made a bunch of work for me to do.  In fact, He MADE me to do that work.  Fantastic."  What a terrible response, though not altogether uncommon, I suppose.  None of us like to be told what to do, right?  It's ingrained in us.  And yet, when God says He has prepared good works for us to do, why don't I see the freedom involved in that?  The excitement?  The honor?  I get selfish instead of humble and gracious.  He's giving me the opportunity to do great things and I see it as shackles around my ankles.

This has to change.  I need to see these situations as opportunities.  Opportunities to grow, to be hopeful, to be excited, to overcome...not to be anxious, insecure and overwhelmed.  I feel like this is a step in the right direction, too; just realizing it's what I do.  Now, to figure a different way to say, "fall to the positive."